Undefined.Unwritten.I'm just beginning.The pen's in my hand ending unplanned. Staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find...

LadyElizabeth 2010.08.29. - 11:21 10184 látogatás 9 bejegyzés


2011-01-23 09:18:54

That should be an easy one. We make choices every single day, according to our preferences. We have a preconception about most things in our life. When you smell something, you can easily decide whether you like the odor or not. When you taste something, it's also easy to determine your opinion about the flavor. Or when you touch an object. It's a piece of cake telling about a material what you feel about it. When you hear a brand new song on the radio. You can tell surely if you like that song, or won't ever like to listen to it. Little decisions make out our days. We don't even stop for long periods to think over each little decisions. Which is totally normal. We don't waste time with unimportant things. Maybe that's because we excatly know that we have to reserve our energies for more serious resolutions. The complicated issues. The ones that you should make with the most determined attitude, but you are influenced by the flood of feelings. So you just roll up your sleeves, grit your teeth and do your best. Easy to read, easy to write, easy to tell, but hard to do. To do it right.

What about those good decisions? How can you make the right resolution? And how can you be sure before you know the consequences?

If you face with the decision of your life, and you feel like it would change your entity, your essential, then it's more important than ever to do your best. You might deliberate your options, and then you miht want to sleep on it. But then, the next day you get more confused. Your asking questions from yourself: "why do I have to be in such situation? Why should I change the way of my life? Was it that bad that I chose to do this?"  And you just seem to forget about the matter. If once you got to that point that you have to change, then it must be because yes, it WAS that bad. And if you hard enough to make that resolution then it won't hurt anymore. The pain and struggle will only be your worst  dream and nothing more. Believe me, human nature is quite sophisticated. And you will only remember the good thing of that period. There may remain dark pieces of memories. But you will be delighted and proud of yourself because you were able to make that resolution. As for me, as far as serious decisions concerned, you always have a preconception as well. If you look deep in yourself you feel what you have to do. How you have to go on. You know excatly even at that point when you realize that you have to decide. You know whether it worth the effort or not. And you are right. Just believe yourself. Dare to believe. You are the only one, of who you can be sure wants the best for you. That sounds silly but it is true. Apart from this, you can rely on other's advices or thoughts. Sometimes its good to listen to a problem from an other point of view, but don't forget that regarding your life, the best decision you can make is relying on yourself!

So what I'm trying to tell is to be contentious, determined. If you've made the resolution, you have to bear the responsibility of it as well.

"Dare to be honest with yourslef or else you can never be really happy. The one whom you should never lie is you! Be though to make it right to make it fine to be able to change. That's what is called an iron will".

Good luck!;)

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2010-10-27 21:53:10

As I told before, I try to make a change. To complete my personality, to be a solid point of the world. And not something, that can be easily tossed away. No, that's not really impressing for ANYone I think. So I have an aim. But I do not have an actual plan. I think it's called by the professionals "improvising". And what was my impro for today?

You wouldn't believe, cause it didn't believe it either at first. I quarreled. With my ex. No strings attached. Or something like that.. So it may seem easy. But I think that the art is to keep it in control. I'm an optimist, but really, I did have it. It wasn't anger, what worked in me. It was pure ratio. I argued for myself, for my thoughts, I stood for me. And now I'm kind of proud of myself. That I was able to do it, with the least emotion.

Because, I think, when you argue with someone, well it's okay, you may have strong emotion, but you have to keep them in the right channel. You shouln't let them flood your mind. Just take it easy. Really. E-A-S-Y. That's the hardest thing to do. As for me at least.

Just take a deep breath and then let it go. But think it twice before you say it, u know, just in case you would regret it. And you don't want that, do you?

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How can you get to know yourself?

2010-10-20 22:02:36

When you frist read this question, it may sound silly. But if you think it a bit over, you may realize that there's something in it. Well, actually I'm talking about myself. I'm just realizing, how I didn't know what I needed. That's why I'm insecure, and have lack of permanency. I mean that apart from my family, I do not have solid points in my life. Secure things. Some people would call it routine. I keep forgetting the important things and bothering with the meanless. I'm musing a lot, thinking just godforsaken. That's why it's often hard for me to communicate even with my family members. That seems unbelieveable, I know. But I have a very bad dynamics: I can comletely exclude my ambience. It's like freezing point. No feelings, nothing but icecold splinters in my stomach. That's my big problem. I gotta solve it somehow, and the fact that I'm writing is part of the solution, I do hope.:)

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Love, is it?

2010-09-26 22:03:08

 Everyone can agree that it's hard to define love. And it may mean a little bit different for every single man. One point is clear: it's a really strong, overwhelming feeling, a strong bond, when two people may become both emotionally and physically attached. But something is more dimmer: what would you call a normal love relationship?

In general: what is normal in love? As we become obsessed by the other person, how can we see rightly? Or can we only say afterwards whether it was real love? I do not think that love would be obscure. Or as much as it seems. You don't have to be anything, you don't have to fulfil any conditions. And you must not feel like you should. It should feel easy, natural, like wind blowing your hair, or the goose-bumps on your skin when you feel cold. Mutual appreciation and acceptance is also vital. That you do not want to change the other one, and just love the way he is, with all his mistakes. And you are still able to tell what feels good to you, and what doesn't so that you tell your partner. Honesty is also elmental part of true love. I think that one can't be happy in love, if these statements doesn't appeal to someone. If you feel like you have to fit the other one, well it's just too bad. The only one whom you have to fit is yourself. Never let even love to change your personality so much, that you accept someone else's opinion rather than yours. That's what I'm thinking about nowadays. I would like YOU dear reader to add some statements about love that I missed. As it's a unique feeling, it means a littl bit different to everyone.

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Painted faces fill the places I can't reach

2010-09-18 14:47:26

And which would I call the biggest problem besides the fact that i haven't written for a week? That I CAN'T REACH!!! Yes, that's what makes my head rumbling, thundering and lightning. All the weather actions seem to happen in my own head. It's horrible. I can't get a grip on it. Just wanna tear the wind, soak up the tears (ceartinly the rain, i said the rain!), and dull the rumbling:) Sounds weird, huh? Well, it would be really easy. If. Always if.. If I was born to be less emotional, or if I felt less. A lot less. Less love. You can't get over love easily. You have to kind of heal. Sure, depends what the cause of the split-up was. Jealousy? Cheating? Ending of love on one side? A new boy/girl? Or just that you felt that you had to move on, to take a break of all. Of all relationships? Just to be on your own again? find yourself again? Take some time with friends and yourself? That might sound a cliché, but you really need time to forget and recover- and even so, u had time, and feel like you're over, things can turn to strange ways, and you can easily find yourself in the same situation with the same "symptoms". Human being is a strange species: On the one hand we have to admit, that we never learn from other's faults, and on the other hand, sometimes even our faults seem little, and we have to do it all over again, to realize that or what we did wrong. And its not easy. Really not. First, admitting that you've commited a mistake, and than making it right. Or rather trying to avoid the cracks. The emotional cracks, which leek in, numbing.

Don't let the dark side of you rule you! It's never wise. And if you have heart problems, try to find somwhere deep inside that rational part. You know, what you've buried when you decided that you found the love of your life but know realized that he might be only a small one. (yes, a small love of your life:)) Don't be scared to admit if something doesn't work, even if it hurts. It will hurt. You can handle it, what you can't handle is a lie. Lieing is  the worst that you can do, believe me, I've tried. And I regret it. But i know the rule certainly, that you have to commit the lie to learn that it's totally useless.-Don't lie!

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Invisible Souls

2010-09-06 21:15:43

We are all invisible. What is deep inside our heart, only we know excatly. No one else can feel for us, or live our life instead of us. It seems weird at first, the thought, that you will never know what the other feels. That's why you can't say for sure that you love someone more than the other one, or you had bigger pain than her. It's not true. You will never know the truth, though. It's hard to define the feelings themselves, and you may discover some other people, who would the define their feelings the same. They're the so-called soul mates. I met a couple of friends, who experienced the same things, among the same circumstances. So that we can understand each other better, or at least try. You just have to have the feeling that you want to try. It's important to be able to be emotional. And be patient when trying to understand other's feelings.

Feelings fade away. With time, experience, impulses. Hard to do it right. To be rational, and emotional as well. To find balance. Search for it, be interested and try to handle them. You don't have to handle with every single one. And never forget that yours are the first ones. That's just essential.

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2010-08-31 22:15:16

Addictions are never healthy. Yes, they do not. It means that you overdo something. It doesn't only cover things like alcohol, smoking, or drugs. It's not that easy. You can be addicted both emotionally and phisically. Which is better, well, I'm sure that we could argue at that point. withdrawal symptoms might occur by both. You have to be the one who surmount yourself.The only way out to the cure is to hold self-discipline. That's essential, vital. With the help of your own mind, thoughts, decisions you can really ake a change you ARE able to do it. But it'sjust you. Because you are the one, who knows what's good for you, so that you would do so. That's what you have to decide, whether you need that bad stuff, or leave it along the way. Go past it. Try. It won't be easy. But you know, practice makes perfect: The more fight you had against yourself, the better you play it. And hopefully the shorter, for your own good certainly.

"Addictions may occur in many ways, forms. They create a barrier, they're the enemies of succes. So get a good grip on them, and throw them away. You have to fight for it, but come on, we are talking about life!

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Confused...or not?

2010-08-30 10:52:46

That's the worst. When you can't decide properly. Or rather not ABLE TO decide. You have a feeling, but another says that shouldn't do that, because it'd be a mistake. You feel like 'who cares I'll do it'.. Beacuse you excatly know, that you are the fool, who never learn enough from other's mistakes. You have to be the one, who "commit the crime" against yourself. You have to fall, to learn on your own how to stand up. Others can't protect you from something that you feel you must do, even if later it turns out that it's a pitfall. Without pitfalls, we would be blinds, who try to feel the handrail, and think in secure points. No risks at all. What for? What for? Am I asking that? While I excatly know, that sometimes, -only if it worth- you have to take the risk of a better chance, even if you excatly know that there may be a hidden undertow... Hazard is just the part of life. We just have to weigh: Does it worth? It should be always the question. And in matter of heart sometimes it's just not enough. I mean the fact that you know that it doesn't worth it. You simply don't really care. You WANT it. If need be, hurt badly. The worst pain  -you can bear- still better than regretting that you didn't try. But still there's a thing: How much does one can lose one's head? Can you get a prescription for that? I'd like to go to the doc first if so! But no... You have to be sober besides being drunk, if you understand what I mean. It's almost the same. When I drink, I normally drink beacuse I wanna lose my head. Just chill a bit.. U know have fun. But I've never done it to the point when I know that I wouldn't be able to control my actions. That's it. You have to control your actions! Have to decide what you want: being a bit drunk, but still sober enough, being totally drunk (submerged in feelings), or being totally sober? What do YOU need? That's the only thing that no one else can tell the answer. Just you. Yes you do.

"Sometimes you have to give up things because they're not current at that time. You know, have to have the priorities. Never let one less important come before the most. That's just essential. Every period has it's own priorities. That you have to be aware of. If you change them you may regret it someday, when you get older. Then comes the 'I wishes'.. Like I wish I had learned more, had had a better relationship with them, had enjoyed more my childhood and the freedom. Yes, you must feel the point in it: Every period has it's own beauties. You have to live the today, thinking of tomorrow, being aware of the future, but always STAY up-to-date. That's how the world spins around nowadays. You know, just being up-to-date."

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Feelings that I couldn't define sofar.

2010-08-29 11:24:35

Sometimes I do feel like feelings just suck. Really. Would be good, if there was nothing but a practical me.Without any emotions. Im too emotional, at least guesso. Don't be worried don't wanna talk about myself, just things in general. Why on earth do we the special ones, who have feelings? How can we be so sure, that other beings just don't have? Can we even determine the term 'feeling'? No, not really. No matter, its just a something which has a name like you and me. Sometimes i'm wondering about these incomprehensible things. And others, like how can that other human feel those things, how does it feel for him, living his life? It must be, -or at least should-similar.

But I know that we will probably never know excatly how that other one feels, life, love, hate, pleasure. It's so special. Everyone has their own world. That's why it's so rich. Because every feeling is different. In different times, places, by different ones. Even we can't feel the same way twice. Some people suffer, some feel guilty, bad, or even very happy, so in love.. Despite that you are the one who hold these feelings, u just cannot always control them, and unfortunately you can't get rid of them so easily as well. But u can 'put them' into the distance with thinking about other things, doing stuff that divert them to the right channel. (Right means that you dont think about bad things because you're able to distract yourself) That's a big fortune, at least as for me. I must write about these things to divert my own feelings.. I hope I'll be able someday. But it's obvious that not now.

"Feelings fade away..with time, experience, and new adventures. You can have a clean page, but even if you have it, the dirt always remains on the other side. Take as much time as you need to feel ready again. For whatever: a new relationship, a new chapter, a new page. A clean life. That you live the way YOU want it. If you are distracted, you have to find the way again. The most important is to have your own way. Walk your way, that you've created. You make the borders of your path, maybe they become obsolescent, but then, you can create again, or expand the former one. Feel free to change, within the confines of your values. It may hurt at first, but then comes another era, a better time. Be sure."

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