Feelings

As I told before, I try to make a change. To complete my personality, to be a solid point of the world. And not something, that can be easily tossed away. No, that's not really impressing for ANYone I think. So I have an aim. But I do not have an actual plan. I think it's called by the professionals "improvising". And what was my impro for today?

You wouldn't believe, cause it didn't believe it either at first. I quarreled. With my ex. No strings attached. Or something like that.. So it may seem easy. But I think that the art is to keep it in control. I'm an optimist, but really, I did have it. It wasn't anger, what worked in me. It was pure ratio. I argued for myself, for my thoughts, I stood for me. And now I'm kind of proud of myself. That I was able to do it, with the least emotion.

Because, I think, when you argue with someone, well it's okay, you may have strong emotion, but you have to keep them in the right channel. You shouln't let them flood your mind. Just take it easy. Really. E-A-S-Y. That's the hardest thing to do. As for me at least.

Just take a deep breath and then let it go. But think it twice before you say it, u know, just in case you would regret it. And you don't want that, do you?

When you frist read this question, it may sound silly. But if you think it a bit over, you may realize that there's something in it. Well, actually I'm talking about myself. I'm just realizing, how I didn't know what I needed. That's why I'm insecure, and have lack of permanency. I mean that apart from my family, I do not have solid points in my life. Secure things. Some people would call it routine. I keep forgetting the important things and bothering with the meanless. I'm musing a lot, thinking just godforsaken. That's why it's often hard for me to communicate even with my family members. That seems unbelieveable, I know. But I have a very bad dynamics: I can comletely exclude my ambience. It's like freezing point. No feelings, nothing but icecold splinters in my stomach. That's my big problem. I gotta solve it somehow, and the fact that I'm writing is part of the solution, I do hope.:)